I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
