is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize