Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
