His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
