worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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