True but thats because hes a fetus.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
