my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize