it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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