I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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