I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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