Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Found your dick twin last night
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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