Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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