Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
