If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
