the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
