Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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