So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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