That's when you crack a 10am beer
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize