Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
