you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
