This dress was meant to end up on your floor
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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