If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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