You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize