Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
