Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just high enough for therapy.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
