Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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