I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
