I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
