C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
false alarm, still single
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
