I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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