Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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