I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This is the high leading the old right now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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