do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
