you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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