what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
