he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
