he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize