I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
