WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
