Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
