We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
