she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize