i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
