I didn't shave. On purpose
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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