You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize