hotel room ftw
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
