did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
