If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
