If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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