hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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