god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
