i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
