wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
