Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
