why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
