I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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