I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
