you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
