Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
