I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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