So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
