Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
