What a fucking waste of an outfit
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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