ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
