make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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