my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
