Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
