she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
