I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
