So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
