He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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