i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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