You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I forget how to act sober
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize