guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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