The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
