i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Bring me that man meat
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
