If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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