I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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