you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
