So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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