sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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