You can't special order awesome
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
