I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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