Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
