we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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