does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
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