I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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