a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
