even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
