So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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