Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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