You don't have asthma, your pregnant
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
