I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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