when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
