needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize