Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
