The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
