Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The air was thick with penises
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
